brian_nichols

Religious fundamentalists are hereby invited to graciously extract peices of corn from my feces, or, Rippin’ Nazis-for-Jesus a new a-hole

The Atlanta legal system got quite the bitch slap last Friday as a judge, court reporter, and 2 officers were brutally gunned down by an insane rape suspect, and overall blood clot among the human species by the name of Brian Nichols. Now, I know you may have thought what I did upon hearing his last name of “Nichols” for the first time. But, this person turned out to be of no relation to the white bread, lawless douche bag Nichols, who we all knew liked blowing federal buildings to hell. This was an entirely different, African-American lawless douche bag named Nichols. Now that we’ve got that straight, let’s continue.

Now from what I understand, this 210 lbs., 6′1 brutal piece of spooge overpowered the (1) FEMALE cop (shocking) escorting him, swiped her gun, shot the judge, court reporter, and a deputy while fleeing the scene, which was an 8-story journey to ground level. What-the-everloving-fuck?? I guess I might understand the cops and the judge, but A COURT REPORTER?!? Why did he feel the need to off the secretary of the court? Typing too loud? Dammit, what a tool. Then after pistol-whipping a reporter for a car (in my opinion, the only honorable thing he did), ‘thug-style’ Nichols bolted off, and was successful in evading the keystone-cop-based chase strategies of the seemingly inept Altanta authorities (who i’m quite positive, in a way paralleling the movie “Deliverance”, were just aching to provide Mr. Nichols with a well-deserved complimentary sodomization via shotgun for having such a purty mouth), for a least a day. Note to self: if you do decide to commit a crime, do it in Atlanta – For as long as you have access to an automobile, and can simply drive away, the Altanta P.D. will not give you any means for alarm, because obviously, THEY DO NOT POSSESS SQUAD CARS NOR CHOPPERS TO PURSUE YOU WITH. Hey, I monitored the live feed on my computer for hours. And for hours, I was treated to awe-inspiring, action-packed LIVE feeds of…traffic on I-95. WTF?? Nothing more from this incident turned up until the next morning, when police had shit-for-brains held up in an apartment complex where he had consequently taken a hostage. Oh, that crazy Mr. Nichols. No. I’m serious – HE’S FUCKING CRAZY.

To conclude, the situation ended peacefully (to my unfortunate chagrin), and scumsucker surrendered to authorities (whom I can only wish gave him SOME semblence of good ol’ fashioned ‘patented police ass-whuppin’ behind closed doors, away from press, being careful to leave no signs of bruising). The hostage is now being reported in every shitty mainstream news source in the country (honestly, is there any other kind?) as the person who convinced him to surrender. Yeah, right – and Carrot Top is a misunderstood comic genius. How does she claim to have survived this tumultuous situation? Through the guidance of JESUS, of course! *sigh* Yep. Sadly, it’s true. She was interviewed, expressing that divine intervention saved her god-fearin’ behind from being victim #5 by using her as a vessel to talk to her captor and tell him that if he gave up, there just might be a chance for him to bring others, possibly incarcerated, to Jesus Christ (convert fast, fucker – because once the court gets ahold of your nasty ass again, you’re as good as burnt bacon, biatch!). Alrightey then! Well, I could do nothing but shake my head. I’m quite content letting people wallow in their own self-delusions, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone, or I don’t have to deal with any unnecessary bullshit. Realistically, i’d lay the odds down on Nichols simply being stuck with a case of common sense, coming to a harsh realization he was truly fucked, thus concluding that eating a diet of nothing but lead sandwiches might not be too appealing. The hostage in the apartment with him dodged the bullet and simply got lucky. Good on her. You would THINK it all ends there…

But, oh noes, bitches. You didn’t think the religious zealots would let the public shift it’s attention away without someone having the last word, didya? Attractive and successful african american, PLEASE! I was on this message board I visit from time to time this evening, and some clueless goddamned Christard was waxing on about how incredible it was that a Christian saved the day! Yay for we who are god’s chosen people! Yes, she faked outrage noting in a half-assed sidebar, it was indeed ‘regrettable’ that lives were taken, but they are now ‘blessed’ to living eternal lives in heaven! She brayed on, saying the real credit goes to this woman, one of “god’s people”, for ’standing up’ to her captor by talking to him. You know, as opposed to, say, not talking to him (was there really a choice in the matter if he engaged her in conversation??). I suppose the alternative would have been to say nothing and soil herself, but chances are, after some time, there would have been a stench. And I myself can’t stand stinky people, and i’m sure some freak with a pistol would be even less tolerant, have eventually gotten pissed, and let her have it on principle. The silly fundamentalcase whore-for-jesus kept on practically non-stop with ‘jesus this’ and “lord that’ that it began to actually sound like gloating. Well, that was it for me, and I realized that I was the one to finally feed her a case of shut the fuck up, because no one else seemed to have the spine to do it….

Religious Zealot: Isn’t it AMAZINg waht the Word of God can do in the hands of a REAL Christian? (posts link to a feel-good, religious-based hack job of a story)

Me: The title of this thread is misleading. If it was taken from a direct headline, then the editor needs to be taken out back and spayed/neutered with an icepick. I think she didn’t save anything but her own butt.

RZ: It shows what kind of spirit you have that you won’t give this brave woman any credit.

Me: Credit for what? Surviving? At least she made it! Excuse me if i’m still sympathizing here with the families of the victims, who just irrevocably lost a son/daughter/husband/wife today because of a selfish and pointless act by a piece of human refuse whose got a grudge against the legal system, all for simply doing their jobs. Yes, what a unfeeling prick I am…

RZ: Well, at least now TEHY are on a first class trip to meet the ONE, and be rewarded with ETERNAL LIFE, what about you? I’m assuming yor an athiest, so what would you do in the situation? worship yourself?

Me: What-in-the fuck are you talking about, you slobbering halfwit. Stay off the jesus juice, woman, and reread what I wrote.

RZ: i see no harm in giving her credit where someone believes there credit is due. she was made a hostage gave credit to God, so why do you have a problem with her doing that?

Me: Well, I don’t. What I have a big problem with, is that fundamental-cases such as yourself are spinning this into a victory for your religious ideology, seemingly glossing over the utter tragedy of the situation by issuing meaningless blanket statements to the effect of: “well, they’re going to heaven anyway, so it’s ok”. Did it ever cross the barren wasteland that is your noodle that perhaps the victims *gasp* WEREN’T all Christians? Maybe you need to step back and put your idol worship on the back burner, and look at this from a purely humanistic viewpoint to see the bigger picture.

RZ: Sorry, Christ is second to no one. With Christ, one has power. Without him, they are nothing, dung.

Me: Funny you should mention the word “dung”. Because it dovetails nicely into my definition of your attitude towards this whole ordeal. I would have chosen a slightly different word however, a more colorful word that shares the same meaning, but brought into fruition by the bovine species. I mean, aren’t you JUST ECSTATIC that this piece of steer matter will be able to share his ‘good news’ with the other dumb suckers in the pen? I suppose there’s NO LIMIT to the amount of fuck-ups one can be responsible for once one accepts jeezus, right? In turn, maybe he can convince his new cellmates to subscribe to this fairy tale, and strengthen the ring of circular logic your theology seems to embrace. Moreover, maybe some of these new converts will be inspired to be good little felons, and possibly get out early, so that they can get ANOTHER opportunity to further pollute the gene pool with their toxic seed, or perhaps wreak EVEN more death and destruction upon our society! PRAAISE JEEZUS!

Now do you understand how nutty you sound?

Well, I ruffled the zealot’s feathers too much to prompt a response. I guess thats a blessing in itself. Gah, sometimes I hate people…