Category Archives: Stupid Crap


Religious fundamentalists are hereby invited to graciously extract peices of corn from my feces, or, Rippin’ Nazis-for-Jesus a new a-hole

The Atlanta legal system got quite the bitch slap last Friday as a judge, court reporter, and 2 officers were brutally gunned down by an insane rape suspect, and overall blood clot among the human species by the name of Brian Nichols. Now, I know you may have thought what I did upon hearing his last name of “Nichols” for the first time. But, this person turned out to be of no relation to the white bread, lawless douche bag Nichols, who we all knew liked blowing federal buildings to hell. This was an entirely different, African-American lawless douche bag named Nichols. Now that we’ve got that straight, let’s continue.

Now from what I understand, this 210 lbs., 6′1 brutal piece of spooge overpowered the (1) FEMALE cop (shocking) escorting him, swiped her gun, shot the judge, court reporter, and a deputy while fleeing the scene, which was an 8-story journey to ground level. What-the-everloving-fuck?? I guess I might understand the cops and the judge, but A COURT REPORTER?!? Why did he feel the need to off the secretary of the court? Typing too loud? Dammit, what a tool. Then after pistol-whipping a reporter for a car (in my opinion, the only honorable thing he did), ‘thug-style’ Nichols bolted off, and was successful in evading the keystone-cop-based chase strategies of the seemingly inept Altanta authorities (who i’m quite positive, in a way paralleling the movie “Deliverance”, were just aching to provide Mr. Nichols with a well-deserved complimentary sodomization via shotgun for having such a purty mouth), for a least a day. Note to self: if you do decide to commit a crime, do it in Atlanta – For as long as you have access to an automobile, and can simply drive away, the Altanta P.D. will not give you any means for alarm, because obviously, THEY DO NOT POSSESS SQUAD CARS NOR CHOPPERS TO PURSUE YOU WITH. Hey, I monitored the live feed on my computer for hours. And for hours, I was treated to awe-inspiring, action-packed LIVE feeds of…traffic on I-95. WTF?? Nothing more from this incident turned up until the next morning, when police had shit-for-brains held up in an apartment complex where he had consequently taken a hostage. Oh, that crazy Mr. Nichols. No. I’m serious – HE’S FUCKING CRAZY.

To conclude, the situation ended peacefully (to my unfortunate chagrin), and scumsucker surrendered to authorities (whom I can only wish gave him SOME semblence of good ol’ fashioned ‘patented police ass-whuppin’ behind closed doors, away from press, being careful to leave no signs of bruising). The hostage is now being reported in every shitty mainstream news source in the country (honestly, is there any other kind?) as the person who convinced him to surrender. Yeah, right – and Carrot Top is a misunderstood comic genius. How does she claim to have survived this tumultuous situation? Through the guidance of JESUS, of course! *sigh* Yep. Sadly, it’s true. She was interviewed, expressing that divine intervention saved her god-fearin’ behind from being victim #5 by using her as a vessel to talk to her captor and tell him that if he gave up, there just might be a chance for him to bring others, possibly incarcerated, to Jesus Christ (convert fast, fucker – because once the court gets ahold of your nasty ass again, you’re as good as burnt bacon, biatch!). Alrightey then! Well, I could do nothing but shake my head. I’m quite content letting people wallow in their own self-delusions, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone, or I don’t have to deal with any unnecessary bullshit. Realistically, i’d lay the odds down on Nichols simply being stuck with a case of common sense, coming to a harsh realization he was truly fucked, thus concluding that eating a diet of nothing but lead sandwiches might not be too appealing. The hostage in the apartment with him dodged the bullet and simply got lucky. Good on her. You would THINK it all ends there…

But, oh noes, bitches. You didn’t think the religious zealots would let the public shift it’s attention away without someone having the last word, didya? Attractive and successful african american, PLEASE! I was on this message board I visit from time to time this evening, and some clueless goddamned Christard was waxing on about how incredible it was that a Christian saved the day! Yay for we who are god’s chosen people! Yes, she faked outrage noting in a half-assed sidebar, it was indeed ‘regrettable’ that lives were taken, but they are now ‘blessed’ to living eternal lives in heaven! She brayed on, saying the real credit goes to this woman, one of “god’s people”, for ’standing up’ to her captor by talking to him. You know, as opposed to, say, not talking to him (was there really a choice in the matter if he engaged her in conversation??). I suppose the alternative would have been to say nothing and soil herself, but chances are, after some time, there would have been a stench. And I myself can’t stand stinky people, and i’m sure some freak with a pistol would be even less tolerant, have eventually gotten pissed, and let her have it on principle. The silly fundamentalcase whore-for-jesus kept on practically non-stop with ‘jesus this’ and “lord that’ that it began to actually sound like gloating. Well, that was it for me, and I realized that I was the one to finally feed her a case of shut the fuck up, because no one else seemed to have the spine to do it….

Religious Zealot: Isn’t it AMAZINg waht the Word of God can do in the hands of a REAL Christian? (posts link to a feel-good, religious-based hack job of a story)

Me: The title of this thread is misleading. If it was taken from a direct headline, then the editor needs to be taken out back and spayed/neutered with an icepick. I think she didn’t save anything but her own butt.

RZ: It shows what kind of spirit you have that you won’t give this brave woman any credit.

Me: Credit for what? Surviving? At least she made it! Excuse me if i’m still sympathizing here with the families of the victims, who just irrevocably lost a son/daughter/husband/wife today because of a selfish and pointless act by a piece of human refuse whose got a grudge against the legal system, all for simply doing their jobs. Yes, what a unfeeling prick I am…

RZ: Well, at least now TEHY are on a first class trip to meet the ONE, and be rewarded with ETERNAL LIFE, what about you? I’m assuming yor an athiest, so what would you do in the situation? worship yourself?

Me: What-in-the fuck are you talking about, you slobbering halfwit. Stay off the jesus juice, woman, and reread what I wrote.

RZ: i see no harm in giving her credit where someone believes there credit is due. she was made a hostage gave credit to God, so why do you have a problem with her doing that?

Me: Well, I don’t. What I have a big problem with, is that fundamental-cases such as yourself are spinning this into a victory for your religious ideology, seemingly glossing over the utter tragedy of the situation by issuing meaningless blanket statements to the effect of: “well, they’re going to heaven anyway, so it’s ok”. Did it ever cross the barren wasteland that is your noodle that perhaps the victims *gasp* WEREN’T all Christians? Maybe you need to step back and put your idol worship on the back burner, and look at this from a purely humanistic viewpoint to see the bigger picture.

RZ: Sorry, Christ is second to no one. With Christ, one has power. Without him, they are nothing, dung.

Me: Funny you should mention the word “dung”. Because it dovetails nicely into my definition of your attitude towards this whole ordeal. I would have chosen a slightly different word however, a more colorful word that shares the same meaning, but brought into fruition by the bovine species. I mean, aren’t you JUST ECSTATIC that this piece of steer matter will be able to share his ‘good news’ with the other dumb suckers in the pen? I suppose there’s NO LIMIT to the amount of fuck-ups one can be responsible for once one accepts jeezus, right? In turn, maybe he can convince his new cellmates to subscribe to this fairy tale, and strengthen the ring of circular logic your theology seems to embrace. Moreover, maybe some of these new converts will be inspired to be good little felons, and possibly get out early, so that they can get ANOTHER opportunity to further pollute the gene pool with their toxic seed, or perhaps wreak EVEN more death and destruction upon our society! PRAAISE JEEZUS!

Now do you understand how nutty you sound?

Well, I ruffled the zealot’s feathers too much to prompt a response. I guess thats a blessing in itself. Gah, sometimes I hate people…


Gas Prices to rise $.24 per gallon in the next few days, or life in America will once again imitate art once gas becomes as rare as a golden phallus, and we start beating each other to death for it like the plot to “The Road Warrior”

Okay, so maybe i’m overreacting a tad, but once the black tar heroin kicks in, one cannot become responsible for the out-of-control verbal swarm that elicits from one’s speech-creating oriface! yeah! So, as usual (I apologise for breaking into Mr. Porter’s journal entry so rudely, as he is undoubtedly thrilling the pants off of you as he brings forth another literary masterpiece sure to astound scores of captive audiences, such as 13 year old goth fanatics, online role-playing gamer virgins, and the vast adulation from trailor park communities around the country. I felt it necessary to step in and finally introduce myself – I am Mr. Porter’s (on the job, we call him by pet name only, mainly “dick-face”) conscience. The reason i’m here is to tell the good people and loyal journal readers that Mr. Porter is really not the arrogant, know-it-all, sarcastic jackhole that he may sometimes portray himself to be. In reality, he’s a kind, sensitive soul, who secretly collects care bears figurines, watches Oprah, and loves Jesus. Anyone who attempts to debate this obvious fact, even Mr. Porter himself, is to be severely beaten and ignored like a filthy heathen, then proclaimed a baldfaced liar. In my efforts to keep Mr. Porter from a fiery demise, I will be adding my own commentary from time to time, but only in dire emergency when we feel Mr. Porter has overstepped the boundaries of morality and good taste. Or, its a Tuesday.) here in Ca-li-forn-ee, with news like the aforementioned, we get to kneel & take double turns being molested by a giant, non-lubricated platinum Hummer2 plaque in our collective poopers, in regards to the already obscene cost of living rates here. But it’s the Bay Area, don’t you know? Living here is a privelige, not a right, you swine.

As much as I LOVE to bitch about things, nothing gives me greater satisfaction then pointing out the sheer idiocy I continuously witness being a Bay Area resident. Nowhere do I see any nearby offroading sites for people who own SUVs in this place. Yet, Escaclods (Erm, we believe he respectively means the Cadillac Escalades), H2s, Tahunkajunks (Chevy Tahoes), and Expedishits (Ford Expeditions) seem to run apeshit here. I swear, they multiply like filthy rabbits. It seems I can’t travel 2 blocks anymore without having to give my antilocks a stern workout due to some asian housewife (Having been in a 3-year relationship with an asian-american woman, Mr. Porter understands and empathizes with the unwarranted stereotypes asian-americans sometimes endure that are mindlessly tossed around by uncaring individuals), who weighs in at about a buck-o-one, and is as tall as most 11-year-olds, that is incapable of handling a simple merge in her military-inspired econo-box, due to her rear view mirror being located 4 feet from her line-of-sight. It’s marvelous, believe me. These assholes, who can’t properly steer their 2-ton perversions to transportation in traffic, are the people I see bitching the most about the gas increase. Hell – maybe you didn’t need to purchase that 6 mile-per-gallon shit heap to pick up your groceries and the kids in, did you, ass face? You can’t drive for piss anyway, so buy a goddammed prius, and shut the fuck up, is what I have to offer. That way, you’ll get four times the gas mileage, you’re smaller, so I can just run your dumb ass into an embankment if you piss me off.(We assure the reader that Mr. Porter advocates no such thing, but rather, is simply just a misunderstood writer. Your must forgive his seemingly offensive dialogue, as he knows no better. He is merely offering a lighthearted perspective using an innocent ’satirical irony’ approach within the confines of said previous commentary to illicit a response. He has absolutely no talent in this arena, but we just don’t have the heart to tell him yet. There is no underlying premise. He’s not even intelligent enough to know the meaning of the word, folks. We swear.)

We in the “Silicon Valley” like to taut ourselves as intellectuals, and consistently praise its residents as being smarter than the average bear. (READ: he has absolutely no evidence to back the previous statement up. please ignore.) Sorry folks, this is what you really get. We bitch and moan about our electricity rates being out-of-hand, meanwhile, we run non-energy efficient appliances, have 7 computers running 24/7, blare our 55 inch plasma screen tvs when no one is in the room to watch it, leave lights on with no regard, and have the largest, most obnoxious X-mas displays every year. (READ: everything said writer is guilty of; and even has outstanding bench warrants for) Go figure. Its like the lions in Africa complaining that there isn’t nearly enough gazelles to satisfy their 3-prey-a-day habit. Madness.

I suppose, in my purely drug-addled tirade (He’s being facetious. He is way too pussy to ever try the H…fucktard.), I may have spouted off some things that may seem too incredible to believe, I empathize, bitches. I empathize. If you are a Bay Arean, you feel this pain.(this guy is completely off his tree…bid him goodnite, kiddies!)

And I’m out. Peace. Bitches. (have a lovely day!)

Get on your party dress, ’cause we be celebratin’ another year into extinction!

New Year’s Eve, baby! Here we are. Holy shit, I can’t believe this year is already coming to it’s end. 2004 Sped by me like a fat man on his way to the all-you-can-eat buffet. And in this circumstance, I am shoved away and left bruised and broken in the aftermath, a confused creature, petrified forever by morbid obesity.

My 2004 Recap
This year might have slipped away, but it was one craaaazy effing year. We were still very much involved in the pointless Iraqi war, losing countless more soldiers every day to local ‘insurgents’, long after hostilities were reported to have ceased. Bin Laden, much like now, is still at large, still keeping in contact via Al Jazeera’s airings of his vhs tapes periodically. So, adding much insult to injury, we still get to see the 9/11 murderer alive and well on videotape every few months, ya know, just in case we were missing his presence….grr. Sadly, nothing has presently changed in this situation. That’s our tax dollars at work, boys and girls. Areas once reported as ’secured’ in Iraq are still swarming with rebel and insurgent factions not exactly pleased with what the good ‘ol US of A is doing there. Uh, what the phuq are we doing there again? Oh yeah, instilling democracy and goodwill, I keep forgetting, I beg your pardon…

Collectively, this country done lost it’s muthaphuqin mind this year, and I think it all began during the super bowl. Yes, we all remember the nation shitting itself over a “wordrobe malfunction”, don’t we? Well, I believe that was just the little jostle that broke our spirits sending us spiraling into madness and hell shortly thereafter. Given a strong shove into the spotlight by a religious right hellbent on pursuing the agenda of “family values” (gawd, I really dislike those two words together), they chided The Federal Communications Commission and it’s board of unelected officials into deciding enough is enough with all the hedonism and general depravity thats has been going on fer too long in this countrah, goddimit!! *cue American Flag* And they started cracking heads, or in this case, pocketbooks.

Before you knew it, Janet J.’s blurry tit was being played every 15 minutes 24-7 on any network having anything remotely to do with reporting. The FCC vowed for blood, and the media machine gave it’s full attention to this important new ground shaking issue. And why? WTF? Do you suppose it is so crucial to etch it into our minds as the Worst Possible Thing to Ever Happen in the History of the Nation (*clearing throat* well, with the exception of 9/11, of course) ? Hefty fines were levied on radio, tv, and even certain cable outlets all for offending certain sensibilities in newly made up ’standards of broadcast integrity’. Some TV shows got yanked. Radio DJs got huge fines and some even got the boot because of something they did earlier in their careers that may or may not have violated the code of ethics buried within these new retroactively-enforceable standards. No you didn’t read incorrectly, retroactive. So now, they can sue your balls off for saying ‘penile implant’ at a time when no one knew what it mean’t, or cared, or much less made an effort to bitch about it. Whats more, these ‘rules’ are about as unclear, unequal, and as non-existant as the pink elephants I see when I drink the magic purple juice. Ain’t being a gov’t official great kids? Mainstream network media hasn’t, and will never broadcast the same way again after this, mark my words, people.

Oh well. The hell with them. With exception to big games like the super bowl, I don’t believe I watched any “must-see-tv”, or tuned in for some hard-hitting news programs from the networks in 2004. The entertainment quotient network tv presently provides has been bottom-of-the-barrel for so long, i’ve grown apathetic to it’s imminent demise. Good riddance, I say. Let the bleeding begin – tell the bible thumpers to take them over in the name of jesus and show morally uplifting docudramas from dusk to dawn for all I care. However, I will offer my opinion that this particular JanetGate Incident was, and still is, re-goddamn-diculous. This year painted a great picture of our nation as being the truly litigious society some have always feared we’d become. We are collectively making the concept of accountability obsolete. Yessir, before we realized, the “PC police” had already infiltrated our humble society covertly, and taken up roots.

The 2004 Summer Olympics took place in Athens, with much todo, and aside from the previous reports of it being underfunded, behind schedule, and lacking in sufficient security, it was a hit. I especially enjoyed the women’s beach volleyball. They should have no other events. Just the volleyball. Oh, and maybe swimming. Love the outfits…;)

It was an election year, and as expected, there was a lot of campaigning going on, and as if predetermined for chaos, it became ugly quite fast and deliberately. The choices in candidates sucked the high hard one again, but I was optimistic that after these previous 4 years, we as a society still maintained a tiny semblance of common sense, and would vote this over privileged idiot out of office. I was dead wrong, and we (well, not me personally) elected to re-entrust an man who has provided example after example of why he should have no business in politics (unintelligent, arrogantly starting unfounded wars, running us into economic mayhem, etc.) to keep our nation’s affairs in order – again. *sigh* Forgive us, for we know not….not….we know nothing.

The Giants had a great season, but fell short, as predicted, once again this year. At least spring training is in a few months. The super bowl, in just a few weeks, could prove very interesting. The 49ers and Dolphins became 2004’s worst football teams – yay! Professional Hockey evaporated this year, with no encouraging insight for next year. Too bad – I was really starting to enjoy it after attending my first games in person last year. Instead, we got preempted with 24-7 basketball because they started their season early – meh. Professional basketball generally eats raw sausage now that basketball players have lowered themselves and their sport to common street criminal level, and vice versa. The image of “thugball” was further reinforced with the fan/player basket-brawl starring Ron Artest, the Fightin’ Pacers and your Detroit Pist-offs. Beautiful job, you jackoffs. Maybe this is why for the first time EVER, since introducing professional players into the Olympic Games, the U.S. came in THIRD in the sport of basketball. When image overrides the importance of the game, why bother with the charade?

Oh, and we got robots safely on the surface of the planet Mars. Tres’ cool. Talk at you again next year!


Conservatism Running Rampant in the U.S.: Are We Losing Our Collective Minds?

Adjust your tinfoil hats, kiddies, I’ve got something controversial to ramble on about. With the further induction of a growing republican majority in the House, Senate, and administration after the ‘04 election, we are witnessing winds of change throughout our society. Change can be a good thing for a nation, but for me, I feel that we are in the beginning stages of a social & cultural meltdown, rendering the concept of accountability a dead ideology in the wake. I submit the following media cluster fuck exhibit A: currently, it is being recorded that 1/3 of the ABC affiliates throughout the country are coming under intense fire from right-wing Christian associations, lobbying the FCC to incur large fines on nationwide television stations for airing Saving Private Ryan, uncut, during prime time on ‘Remembrance Day”.

When I first caught air of this, I was sort of in agreement, but please don’t misunderstand the presupposition behind my aforementioned ambivalence. I personally believe SPR is a masterpiece as far as war films go (I own the DVD). Spielberg depicts a very realistic portrayal of WWII in a graphic, no-nonsense, historically accurate, perspective. Complete with hardened ‘in-your-face’ bloody reenactments of soldiers being slaughtered in attempts to siphon off the oppressive efforts of a Nazi regime, SPR’s violence, albeit somewhat necessary to accurately convey that war is not as glamorous as some John Wayne movies might lead us to believe, isn’t exactly material suitable for all audiences.

I would later become literally incensed at the discovery that these moral objections weren’t about the violence. It is all about the movie’s use of profane words! Yep – instead of feigning outrage due to the raw footage of death and destruction displayed in the film, it seems that factions of religious organizations, morally sensitive to mere words, deem the movie’s dialogue more offensive. I think that’s just ridiculous! One has to wonder, are the people opposing the exercise of FREE SPEECH by protesting the use of swear words, under some religious-based illusion that U.S. troops never uttered the occasional ‘curse word’ or ‘racial slur’, in combat? I believe double standards in America’s network broadcasting integrity such as this are a big reason why the networks are continually dying a slow death, in the form of ratings.

Neo-con religious right-wing groups are currently demanding the FCC to do something about it, and fines could being levied to as much as $18,000 per station that aired it. However, most TV outlets caved to pressure by these groups, choosing to run alternative programming instead, much to the chagrin of viewers promised an uncut viewing of SPR, due to widespread advertising. Its a shame really, that these same groups lobbying against profane words on TV are unwilling to be accountable for themselves. ABC, the network responsible, aired trailers for it weeks before, so anyone that might take offense could simply choose to watch something else. I’m sure many that saw said trailers did just that, and even if they didn’t catch them beforehand, the broadcast provided disclaimers citing harsh language and scenes of an extreme nature.

What happened to the concept of personal responsibility? Claiming outrage ‘for children’s sake’ is logically indefensible largely due to the existence of other channels. The remote is there parents, create your own destiny. Being accountable for parental duties should not be pawned off on network television. They exist solely for the purpose of entertainment, not as an electronic babysitter. They’re just words, people. I have yet to see a case in which an individual is mentality scarred for life because of them. The same can be said for nudity, for example, Janet Jackson’s tit debacle during the Superbowl halftime show. This country lost it’s fucking mind after that, and still to this day I can’t understand why. Our priorities are certainly mixed up when outcry against shows depicting harsh language, or a partially naked human form, marginally surpasses that of murder, destruction, and general violence on prime time TV. But, I digress. Sadly, it seems some of the things I hear from people, including opinions from those of other nations, holds some truth. Collectively, America as a society is becoming lazier and lazier by the day, letting un-elected government officials like those in the FCC determine what is/what is not moral values to society. Why are we content to let others define our system of ethics rather than deciding for ourselves?

Here’s a possibility: the media has become a willing accomplice in effecting this paradigm. Over the past 5 years or so, in a campaign to make society more “PC”, news outlets have gone from objective reporting to turning out something more resembling sensationalized, tabloid-style hackery. Objective news outlets still manage to exist, but they are vastly overshadowed by this more recent trend of reporting. With help from the fairly recent establishment of 24 hour cable TV news networks, it has become mainstream. Personally, I can no longer watch news via television, as it literally nauseates me. CNN, MSNBC, Fox, and other “big” news networks all seem to have become ratings-only driven, and their collective styles of reporting the “news” is very indicative of this.

Bad news is king right now, especially in this time of war. Opinionated journalism, and even outright fabrication is also very popular, and stories nowadays tend to lean towards the bias of a certain individual, or network conglomerate, sometimes intentionally making mountains of molehills, rendering objectivity irrelevant. The concept of news sources giving us stories that allow us to decide for ourselves has become passe’. Decades ago, we used to call this “yellow journalism”. But now, in today’s litigious “PC” society, we’ve opted to soften it’s meaning, settling for the more user-friendly “spin”. Sadly, journalistic integrity has been replaced by skewing of facts based upon varying degrees of bias, but almost always projected to sound objective. In reality, story writers do write specifically to convey a certain ideology, bias, or judgement, but do so in a fashion as to avoid offending certain sensibilities perceived as ‘unpopular’, therefore never themselves risking being taken to task for it. Unfortunately, today’s news sources have made it quite evident that they are willing to sacrifice ethics for ratings. Many seem easily manipulated by powers that be, getting influence from government, big business, religion, etc. to project a certain image to the public, whether it is completely accurate or not. Today’s media is all about the prose. If Dan Rather reports it, it has to be true, right?

This opinion brings me full circle to the topic at hand: is our media manipulating our senses of right and wrong? I think so. Take the SPR issue. Vocal religious freaks get bent out of shape over vocabulary contained in a perfectly good film, and media outlets are all a frenzy about it. Enough already. I’ve seen this issue “spun” in so many directions that I would need years of research to discern them all. Is it really necessary? No. Does it attract viewers? You bet your ass it does. The gist is, if the language offends you, don’t watch it! There is literally hundreds of more ‘morally sensitive” alternatives out there for you to peruse. If you expose yourself to it intentionally and still bitch about it, well then you’re probably a lazy, hate-filled extremist fuckhead, and your opinion is as valuable as fecal matter.

Be responsible for yourself, America. Don’t let moral extremism or partisan media propaganda tell you what’s right or wrong. Decide on your own and create your destiny, or the fate of our present society is destined for failure. Later.


Bush Crusade Marches On: 18 US Soldiers Dead in Fallujah

Teetering on the genesis of four more years of this dickhead I didn’t elect’s administration, we have invaded insurgent-torn Fallujah. If we thought the events leading up to this conflict were bad, it’s going to get even uglier now, folks. I have been pretty much against this war from inception, however, I feel it’s my duty to put all of my support behind our troops, and hope that they can end this quickly and come home safely. Our soldiers don’t have the luxury of choice we civilians have. They are merely following orders. War is hell, and I fear we’re just seeing the beginning. Never have I ever wished to be proven incorrect more than right now.

I weep for our fallen heroes, and can only hope that the casualties our country has suffered thus far in this conflict is the worst of it.


AHnold tells us how to vote

The other day, I got this wonderful “Ballot Proposal Voter Guide” in the mail, sent directly to ME (and every registered voter in Ca.), from our current “Guhvernator-in-charge” Ahnold Schwarzeneggar. Its chock full of flattering pictures and quotes from the “Gov”, instructing the would-be prospective California voters of the state propositions we SHOULD be voting for in this upcoming election. Yummy!

I guess I should be thanking the Republican party, for weeding out all of that pesky “reading” of said propositions for myself, thus recklessly making objective decisions purely based upon “thought”. And we ALL know that if we base our decisions upon this dangerous logic, the terrorists win. Therefore, I give you “Ahnold’s Picks”:

To the left is a heartfelt plea to the unwashed voters of California, by Mr. Man-In-Charge himself, reminding us that our right to vote is important, and that we should not take said right for granted, as many poor dregs around the world are still denied said right, and that we, as Californians, should be generally grateful, goddammit. We are told to not screw up this opportunity by using our own conscience, but to use this guide to tell us what, and what not to vote for. Ain’t politics easy?? As I meandered on into this important piece of partisan literature, I was humbled by the sheer simplicity of the document, laid out in red and blue, very easy to distinguish, except if you’re colorblind.

And of course, if you’re colorblind, you have no business being a deciding factor in our future. Turn in your voter registration card at the nearest polling center IMMEDIATELY, and then report directly to re-education! Gohvernator has it all wrapped up and laid out for us, in a contrasting red and blue format. Blue for “yes, you WILL vote for the pretty blue number – do not think, just do”, Red for “if you vote yes on this, you traitorous hippee, I will eat your first born – don’t fuck with me, i’ll do it!” Ya know, even though our “Guhv” is a FORMER body builder and movie star, I can’t help but think that if I vote incorrectly, “Der Terminator” is going to show up at my doorstep, RPG in hand, looking for fast answers.

This shit is a little scary.

In addition to this “informative guide”, there is an envelope enclosed, allowing us to CONTRIBUTE money to the humble group responsible for this “color-coded goodness”, the Republican Party. Even if you’re a registered Democrat, you should at least send a few bucks to them for their woeful sacrifice of many colored inks, giving us the “knowledge” of what to vote for, don’t you think? After all, Its for our own good, you know. Oh, and make sure it’s stamped before you send it in, though. I suppose with all of the money spent on pretty packaging, there wasn’t enough in the budget for prestamped envelopes….*sigh*

In all seriousness, this kind of political pandering cheeses me off in the worst way. If you’re voting this coming November 2nd, crap like this isn’t going to give you any objective knowledge to help you decide. If you haven’t already received one, get a sample ballot for your state from the local Registrar of Voters. You should be able to easily find one in your local phone book, or through an internet search. The sample ballot contains all of the candidate names, so that you can research each one further, and explains all upcoming propositions in an objective, non-partisan way. Use your head, not propaganda being spewed at you from political affiliations, to make an informed decision. Our state, and our nation’s future depends on us!

(This message NOT endorsed by The California Republican Party. Tee Hee.)

Oh, and P.S.: Another shout out to the BoSox. With tonight’s win, they are up 2-0 in the World Series over the Cards. With Tuesday’s game 3, are they quite possibly on their way to a sweep?? I’m pullin’ for that curse to break wide open, Boston. Keep on steamrolling St. Louis!