Category Archives: Sports

Get on your party dress, ’cause we be celebratin’ another year into extinction!

New Year’s Eve, baby! Here we are. Holy shit, I can’t believe this year is already coming to it’s end. 2004 Sped by me like a fat man on his way to the all-you-can-eat buffet. And in this circumstance, I am shoved away and left bruised and broken in the aftermath, a confused creature, petrified forever by morbid obesity.

My 2004 Recap
This year might have slipped away, but it was one craaaazy effing year. We were still very much involved in the pointless Iraqi war, losing countless more soldiers every day to local ‘insurgents’, long after hostilities were reported to have ceased. Bin Laden, much like now, is still at large, still keeping in contact via Al Jazeera’s airings of his vhs tapes periodically. So, adding much insult to injury, we still get to see the 9/11 murderer alive and well on videotape every few months, ya know, just in case we were missing his presence….grr. Sadly, nothing has presently changed in this situation. That’s our tax dollars at work, boys and girls. Areas once reported as ’secured’ in Iraq are still swarming with rebel and insurgent factions not exactly pleased with what the good ‘ol US of A is doing there. Uh, what the phuq are we doing there again? Oh yeah, instilling democracy and goodwill, I keep forgetting, I beg your pardon…

Collectively, this country done lost it’s muthaphuqin mind this year, and I think it all began during the super bowl. Yes, we all remember the nation shitting itself over a “wordrobe malfunction”, don’t we? Well, I believe that was just the little jostle that broke our spirits sending us spiraling into madness and hell shortly thereafter. Given a strong shove into the spotlight by a religious right hellbent on pursuing the agenda of “family values” (gawd, I really dislike those two words together), they chided The Federal Communications Commission and it’s board of unelected officials into deciding enough is enough with all the hedonism and general depravity thats has been going on fer too long in this countrah, goddimit!! *cue American Flag* And they started cracking heads, or in this case, pocketbooks.

Before you knew it, Janet J.’s blurry tit was being played every 15 minutes 24-7 on any network having anything remotely to do with reporting. The FCC vowed for blood, and the media machine gave it’s full attention to this important new ground shaking issue. And why? WTF? Do you suppose it is so crucial to etch it into our minds as the Worst Possible Thing to Ever Happen in the History of the Nation (*clearing throat* well, with the exception of 9/11, of course) ? Hefty fines were levied on radio, tv, and even certain cable outlets all for offending certain sensibilities in newly made up ’standards of broadcast integrity’. Some TV shows got yanked. Radio DJs got huge fines and some even got the boot because of something they did earlier in their careers that may or may not have violated the code of ethics buried within these new retroactively-enforceable standards. No you didn’t read incorrectly, retroactive. So now, they can sue your balls off for saying ‘penile implant’ at a time when no one knew what it mean’t, or cared, or much less made an effort to bitch about it. Whats more, these ‘rules’ are about as unclear, unequal, and as non-existant as the pink elephants I see when I drink the magic purple juice. Ain’t being a gov’t official great kids? Mainstream network media hasn’t, and will never broadcast the same way again after this, mark my words, people.

Oh well. The hell with them. With exception to big games like the super bowl, I don’t believe I watched any “must-see-tv”, or tuned in for some hard-hitting news programs from the networks in 2004. The entertainment quotient network tv presently provides has been bottom-of-the-barrel for so long, i’ve grown apathetic to it’s imminent demise. Good riddance, I say. Let the bleeding begin – tell the bible thumpers to take them over in the name of jesus and show morally uplifting docudramas from dusk to dawn for all I care. However, I will offer my opinion that this particular JanetGate Incident was, and still is, re-goddamn-diculous. This year painted a great picture of our nation as being the truly litigious society some have always feared we’d become. We are collectively making the concept of accountability obsolete. Yessir, before we realized, the “PC police” had already infiltrated our humble society covertly, and taken up roots.

The 2004 Summer Olympics took place in Athens, with much todo, and aside from the previous reports of it being underfunded, behind schedule, and lacking in sufficient security, it was a hit. I especially enjoyed the women’s beach volleyball. They should have no other events. Just the volleyball. Oh, and maybe swimming. Love the outfits…;)

It was an election year, and as expected, there was a lot of campaigning going on, and as if predetermined for chaos, it became ugly quite fast and deliberately. The choices in candidates sucked the high hard one again, but I was optimistic that after these previous 4 years, we as a society still maintained a tiny semblance of common sense, and would vote this over privileged idiot out of office. I was dead wrong, and we (well, not me personally) elected to re-entrust an man who has provided example after example of why he should have no business in politics (unintelligent, arrogantly starting unfounded wars, running us into economic mayhem, etc.) to keep our nation’s affairs in order – again. *sigh* Forgive us, for we know not….not….we know nothing.

The Giants had a great season, but fell short, as predicted, once again this year. At least spring training is in a few months. The super bowl, in just a few weeks, could prove very interesting. The 49ers and Dolphins became 2004’s worst football teams – yay! Professional Hockey evaporated this year, with no encouraging insight for next year. Too bad – I was really starting to enjoy it after attending my first games in person last year. Instead, we got preempted with 24-7 basketball because they started their season early – meh. Professional basketball generally eats raw sausage now that basketball players have lowered themselves and their sport to common street criminal level, and vice versa. The image of “thugball” was further reinforced with the fan/player basket-brawl starring Ron Artest, the Fightin’ Pacers and your Detroit Pist-offs. Beautiful job, you jackoffs. Maybe this is why for the first time EVER, since introducing professional players into the Olympic Games, the U.S. came in THIRD in the sport of basketball. When image overrides the importance of the game, why bother with the charade?

Oh, and we got robots safely on the surface of the planet Mars. Tres’ cool. Talk at you again next year!

Some kind of NFL Oracles and Going On Location

I just have to devote this space to my Yahoo Fantasy Sports ‘Pro Pickem’ pool I play in each week. Usually, all involved are pretty dismal at picking, since we all are busy doing ‘other things’. However, this week’s pickings are more than an anomaly, proof positive than indeed, the sun does shine on a dog’s ass every now and again. It’s a celebration if one of us happens to MAKE, let alone top 10 correct picks in a week out of a possible 12, 14, or 16. But for EVERY person involved to do eclipse this is quite cool. EVERY person in the pool ended up with either a 12 or 13 out of possible 16 for the week. Go, us! Nice job, fellas.

Hey! you can also start a league yourself.

I’ll be off to Arizona tomorrow to spend Thanksgiving with the family. Yep, driving for a splendid 10 fricken hours. Updates might somehow be affected in my absense, we’ll see how it goes. Perhaps I will update on location from my parents home just in case I get a wild hair to write about it. I wouldn’t hold your breath. No, really.

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The Apocalypse is Nigh – The Red Sox WIN the World Series!!!

Holy effign SHIT!! For some reason, I just KNEW you would do it (not like I didn’t WILL it, or anything)!! Thus ends an 86-year long series losing streak for Boston, forever shattering all “Curse of the Bambino” beliefs in my lifetime. Wow. And they made it look EASY. It seemed the Cards completely ran out of gas after the NLCS series, and proved it on the field. BoSox swept the series 4-0, not even letting St. Louis have ANY kind of a lead whatsoever throughout the series. Kinda sad and anticlimactic ending, but the contrast of play between both ballclubs was quite evident. Boston, after being down 0-3 in the ALCS, turn on a powerful, momentum-switching switch, and steamroll on to win a consecutive 8 GAMES, easily clinching the series. God DAMN impressive, fellas. Enjoy this victory. You deserve it. You just shook the foundations of baseball, simultaneously making history all in one postseason. My hat is off to the Boston Red Sox – your 2004 World Series Champions!

Halloween Sux! or, why i’m not a good ‘trick or treater’

The end of this month is rapidly approaching, and for the past few years, i’ve been really clueless about it. Perhaps this year, it’s due to October baseball, focusing on the upcoming Presidential Election, or something else equally as distracting, but this was NOT usually par for the course for me, as I used to LOVE this holiday; hey, it’s the only day people dress up like ghouls, ghosts, witches, and generally everything under the sun (or FULL MOON, in this case) in celebration! However regretful it seems, time constraints, and the flow of daily life have really hindered me from putting any sort of concentration into this holiday since about 2001. Sucks, I know. Heck, there used to be a time not too many years ago, when me and my friends were notorious for our yearly Halloween bashes, known as “Love Fests”. Damn, how far we fall (or, how boring we become)…

Sadly, age, time, and priorities have changed all this, and frankly, i’m sorta pissed off about it. Maybe tomorrow, i’ll go costume-hunting (even though i’ve got less than a week to find something decent to wear). Perhaps i’ll seek out and hook up with old friends in ‘The City’, to see what kind of shindig they’re attending this year (S.F. residents are always “hipper” than us South Bay suburbanites), and see if I can crash. Either way, I don’t wanna be stuck at home, AGAIN, handing out candy in between glasses of wine. So, i’ll be on a crusade first thing tomorrow (in between job hunting) to do something DIFFERENT to celebrate Halloween this year. It may be crap, or it may be a grade-A kickass time (hoping for latter), but it will be DIFFERENT, dammit….err, unless I forget, or something….*weeping*

Sorry to wind this up on a ‘downer’ note – this will be a short one tonight, as I haven’t had too much to say in addition to what’s been already said. The BoSox won AGAIN tonight – woohoo! One more, and this whole “Curse” issue is dead with a bullet. GO BOSTON, but remember: now that I’VE put an emotional attachment into your winning the Series purely based upon your team’s incredible show of heart and performance, winning 7 STRAIGHT series games consecutively against dire early odds, do not, I say again, NOT, let me down. Because, if you screw this up and break my heart, consider yourselves banninated from my good graces forever. If the BoSox manage to blow this, you’ll have not one, but TWO “Curses” to trifle with. Bambino’s and MINE. I will curse and ridicule you with vitrol until my last dying breath if you lose this series!! So KICK ASS!! Oh, and on that note….

Good Luck!!

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Bosox: Curse Reversed? PART DEUX – ONTO THE SERIES!!

I wasn’t sure if i’d even be writing this, but lo and behold, we baseball fans just may have just witnessed a monumental planetary momentum shift that Boston so desperately needs to try and overcome a dismal, yet historical World Series participation record of “just falling short” of WS victory for 86 years now. The “curse”, whether or not some choose to believe one exists, has played somewhat of a role with the more superstitious fans in and around the ballclub. Coupled with such a long history of winless World Series efforts, some fans have further instilled “The Curse of the Bambino”, as being an unstoppable supernatural spectre that will prevent the BoSox from ever reaping Champion status for an eternity. We’ll get a chance this Saturday to see if this is in fact, the case of “the curse”.

The New York Wankees, Boston’s much more successful and wealthier AL rival, have been more than happy to play a big part in reinforcing this superstition to its more unfortunate counterpart. Wank fans have cajoled the BoSox with chants of “1918!” (Re: The year BoSox traded superstar and hall of famer Babe Ruth to the Wanks; Ruth prophesized afterwards that the ‘Sox would NEVER win a WS), and “The Curse Returns” for decades in their stadium. To make matters worse, New York, facing the unlucky BoSox 26 times in ALCS history previously, have been an undefeated force against the Sox. That all changed last evening.

Cut to October 20th, 2004. The Wanks and Sox are tied 3-3 for the ACLS, Boston making the unprecedented comeback from the a 0-3 Wank lead. This makes the 27th time both teams have competed against each other for this much sought league title. In two prior record breaking extra inning games, 5 and 6 were virtual battles, but one thing seemed to remain the same; Boston’s unstoppable efforts battled just a little bit harder to take each win from the Wanks. In the final deciding game, Boston didn’t choose to lay down, earning them an unheard of ALCS championship for 2004. The Wankees, now 26-1 against their east coast rivals for ALCS victories, also set a few records of their own. They can now be known as the the ONLY team to consecutively lose 4 games in the ACLS (after winning the first 3) – at least the third biggest choke job in sports. Good JOB, Wanks! Couldn’t have happened to a better deserving team!

Game 7 was less intense, unlike the previous ‘battles’ of games 4 and 5, and more like a crushing, season-ending blow, to the Wankees, the league’s highest payrolled team, whos talent just didn’t possess the stamina to take any more of the pummelling that the BoSox were dealing out. The sting being intensified as it was in the Wanks own house. It was basically over in the 4th inning, with Boston in a commanding 8-1 lead over the running-on-fumes Wankees. New York had tried to spark a comeback in the 7th, when BoSox’s star pitcher Pedro Martinez, after just one day of rest, gave up two runs, trimming down the Boston lead to 5 runs. But any comeback would not come to fruition, as BoSox bats put up 2 more runs, and pitchers Lowe And Embree stifled any Yanks intention of hitting to end number 7 in 9: a crushing 10-3 victory in front of a stunned silent Wankee crowd of over 56,000. I, for one, as a Wankee-hater, was thrilled to see the shock on their faces, but, then again, I DID predict it would happen. But you already know that, don’t you, flapjack?

Tonight’s NLCS ended ALSO how i’d predicted it a few weeks ago, with the Cardinals edging out the ASStros 5-2 tonight, ensuring their place in ‘the big show’ on Saturday. Hurray! A series I can finally enjoy with absolutely no physical or emotional investment in any way. I have much respect for both teams, and each deserve to be here. The best team, as always, will win, and I will be just as thrilled for either team. The Cardinals seem like the better team defensively, and I would like to see their bullpen take it all the way. However, it would be equally as nice to see Boston’s bats throw it’s “curse” naysayers a curveball by winning the World Series.

Congrats, fellas. Have a beer on me. You deserve it. This should be a great matchup to watch in the final week of baseball for the year. I’ll be chomping at the bit all winter until spring training, and when next years season starts up again, LOOK OUT. Giants: 2005 WS Champs, Baby!! *Sigh* I can keep dreaming, dammit.

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Bosox: Curse Reversed?

Man, last weekend, and going into this week, has shaped into a historical, momentum-shifting rally for the allegedly “Cursed” Boston Red Sox. Down 3 games in the ALCS versus notorious New York rival Wankees, Boston has fought tooth and nail to stay in contention by tying the series 3-3 tonight. This is an unheard of comeback for any team in ALCS history, giving the well deserved Wanks the title of being the first team to ever blow a 3 game lead in the series.

Sunday’s game 4 was a slugfest of epic proportions, with Bill Mueller tying the game at the bottom of the 9th inning by hitting an RBI off of Wank’s closer Mariano Rivera. Both teams held each other scoreless until the 12th, when BoSox’s David Ortiz struck the fatal winning 2 run blow off of Paul Quantrill, bringing the series standings to 3-1. The game lasted just over 5 hours, to earn the record of being the longest ALCS game in history. Until the next evening, that is…

Monday’s game 5 again had Wank’s power starter Mike Mussina pitching, but the determined and under pressure Sox struck exploded right away in the 1st with 2 earned runs. However, “Moose” would shutdown any additional runs in following 5 innings. BoSox’s starter Pedro Martinez answered back in five, allowing only one run, that is, until pitch 100 handed Derek Jeter a bases loaded double, giving the Wanks a 4-2 lead. Enter Wanks pitcher Tom Gordon in the 7th. Ortiz, not being one to make things any easier for the “Evil Empire”, smacked a walkoff homer off of Gordon for the Sox in the 8th, dropping the lead to a single run. This homer seemed to have gotten into Gordon’s head, as he proceded to walk Kevin Millar, then gave up a single to Trot Nixon, putting runners at first and third with no outs. Gordon was then replaced by Mariano Rivera. Rivera popped BoSox’s Jason Varitek into a sac fly for out #1, but in interim scored Dave Roberts, tying the game, and blowing a second consecutive save for the Wanks. It felt like the series energy had been more than drained, and that both clubs were running on nothing but pure heart. The game was tied 4-4 in the 9th, and both teams seemed to be going through pitchers like water. They both stranded runners in following innings, but remained scoreless for 5 MORE!! The Wank’s Estiban Loaisa took over pitching in the 12th, but got broken down after 3 scoreless innings by Johnny Damon, who was walked in the 14th, with one out. After striking out the next batter, Manny Ramirez was next to be awarded a walk, to put runners at first and second. Then, the “Yankee Killer” in this series stepped into the box: David Ortiz. After a hard fought battle, 10 pitches later, Ortiz cracked a single into center field, bringing in Damon to score for a 5-4 Red Sox victory, and setting a NEW record for longest ALCS game, at 5 hours, 49 minutes. I watched the entire game on tv, and even I needed a nap afterwards.

Tonight’s game was equally dominant for the hellbent BoSox. Sox starter Curt Schilling, back from an ankle injury in Game 1, looked like a pitcher on a mission to dominate. Leaving the Wanks scoreless through 6 innings, Schilling’s arm was hot again, and not ready to bow any “curse” theories just yet. In contrast, the Wank’s starting pitcher, Jon Lieber, managed to put up zeroes until a fourth inning debacle, resulting in the start of a 2-out rally by Kevin Millar, with a double to left field. Jason Varitek helped out by driving Millar in on a single, giving the BoSox a 1-0 lead. Orlando Cabrera kept the inning going, by following up with a single, and Mark Bellhorn sealed the deal by smacking a controversial hit, first ruled a double, but then called a run, bringing 3 in, after on-field cameras substancially proved that the ball indeed hit off of a fan’s chest, rather than the outfield wall. Bosox lead 4-0. Schilling remained steadfast, leaving the Wankees scoreless through 6 straight innings. However, the Wank’s wouldn’t be skunked. Bernie Williams hit a home run into right field, bringing the BoSox’s lead to three, making the score 4-1. Cut to the top of inning 8 – controversy strikes again. Bronson Arroyo fills in for Schilling in the 8th, Cairo doubles with one out, and Jeter singles to drive Cairo in, chiseling the BoSox lead to just 2 runs. Then Alex Rodriguez enters the picture, singling the pitch up the first base line. Arroyo fielded the ball, and went to tag A-Rod, but A-Rod intentionally SLAPPED Arroyo’s arm (fucking CHEATER) forcing it from his glove! Due to this bullshit, Jeter was able to round the bases and score, while A-Rod stopped at second. Fortunately, the umpires were keen enough to catch this cheating bastard, and delivered a much deserved obstruction ruling, calling the cheating bastard A-Rod OUT, and making Jeter go back to first. THANKS MLB, for FINALLY making a classy call! Well, the alcoholic a-hole Wankees fans disagreed with pure logic, and decided they would get all rowdy and throw a shitfit on the field in disagreement. Nice, you classless Wankee douchebag fans. No wonder your club is known as the “Evil Empire”. Well, after the NYPD subdued the situation by putting a whole task force of RIOT police in the outfield, Arroyo put the inning, and Gary Sheffield, to rest by popping him up behind home plate for the inning. Suck that, Wankees. Ninth inning ensues. You’ve got Hideki Matsui, who walked to first, possibly bringing in the tying run. But, lo and behold, Williams and Posada strike out, leaving your pathetic hopes to Ruben Sierra, who walks by the skin of his ballsack. Unfortunately, Tony “I’m an overblown Wankee loser” Clark came to bat next, virtually ensuring the Sox a victory. He struck out, AGAIN. Whew. A sincere “thanks” from the Sox fans, you overrated loser, ensues. I’m sure of it.

Good for you, Sox. I hope you can go all the way, and put this “curse” nonsense behind you. Hopefully, after a Wank trounsing series this year, that Visa check-whoring Torre will be shown the door by Steinbrenner for his inept ballclub managing. However, if the Wanks beat you tomorrow, you’ve got to give big props to the Bambino, because the man MUST wield some power in the afterlife to leave you stranded after so many years.