Category Archives: National News


Religious fundamentalists are hereby invited to graciously extract peices of corn from my feces, or, Rippin’ Nazis-for-Jesus a new a-hole

The Atlanta legal system got quite the bitch slap last Friday as a judge, court reporter, and 2 officers were brutally gunned down by an insane rape suspect, and overall blood clot among the human species by the name of Brian Nichols. Now, I know you may have thought what I did upon hearing his last name of “Nichols” for the first time. But, this person turned out to be of no relation to the white bread, lawless douche bag Nichols, who we all knew liked blowing federal buildings to hell. This was an entirely different, African-American lawless douche bag named Nichols. Now that we’ve got that straight, let’s continue.

Now from what I understand, this 210 lbs., 6′1 brutal piece of spooge overpowered the (1) FEMALE cop (shocking) escorting him, swiped her gun, shot the judge, court reporter, and a deputy while fleeing the scene, which was an 8-story journey to ground level. What-the-everloving-fuck?? I guess I might understand the cops and the judge, but A COURT REPORTER?!? Why did he feel the need to off the secretary of the court? Typing too loud? Dammit, what a tool. Then after pistol-whipping a reporter for a car (in my opinion, the only honorable thing he did), ‘thug-style’ Nichols bolted off, and was successful in evading the keystone-cop-based chase strategies of the seemingly inept Altanta authorities (who i’m quite positive, in a way paralleling the movie “Deliverance”, were just aching to provide Mr. Nichols with a well-deserved complimentary sodomization via shotgun for having such a purty mouth), for a least a day. Note to self: if you do decide to commit a crime, do it in Atlanta – For as long as you have access to an automobile, and can simply drive away, the Altanta P.D. will not give you any means for alarm, because obviously, THEY DO NOT POSSESS SQUAD CARS NOR CHOPPERS TO PURSUE YOU WITH. Hey, I monitored the live feed on my computer for hours. And for hours, I was treated to awe-inspiring, action-packed LIVE feeds of…traffic on I-95. WTF?? Nothing more from this incident turned up until the next morning, when police had shit-for-brains held up in an apartment complex where he had consequently taken a hostage. Oh, that crazy Mr. Nichols. No. I’m serious – HE’S FUCKING CRAZY.

To conclude, the situation ended peacefully (to my unfortunate chagrin), and scumsucker surrendered to authorities (whom I can only wish gave him SOME semblence of good ol’ fashioned ‘patented police ass-whuppin’ behind closed doors, away from press, being careful to leave no signs of bruising). The hostage is now being reported in every shitty mainstream news source in the country (honestly, is there any other kind?) as the person who convinced him to surrender. Yeah, right – and Carrot Top is a misunderstood comic genius. How does she claim to have survived this tumultuous situation? Through the guidance of JESUS, of course! *sigh* Yep. Sadly, it’s true. She was interviewed, expressing that divine intervention saved her god-fearin’ behind from being victim #5 by using her as a vessel to talk to her captor and tell him that if he gave up, there just might be a chance for him to bring others, possibly incarcerated, to Jesus Christ (convert fast, fucker – because once the court gets ahold of your nasty ass again, you’re as good as burnt bacon, biatch!). Alrightey then! Well, I could do nothing but shake my head. I’m quite content letting people wallow in their own self-delusions, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone, or I don’t have to deal with any unnecessary bullshit. Realistically, i’d lay the odds down on Nichols simply being stuck with a case of common sense, coming to a harsh realization he was truly fucked, thus concluding that eating a diet of nothing but lead sandwiches might not be too appealing. The hostage in the apartment with him dodged the bullet and simply got lucky. Good on her. You would THINK it all ends there…

But, oh noes, bitches. You didn’t think the religious zealots would let the public shift it’s attention away without someone having the last word, didya? Attractive and successful african american, PLEASE! I was on this message board I visit from time to time this evening, and some clueless goddamned Christard was waxing on about how incredible it was that a Christian saved the day! Yay for we who are god’s chosen people! Yes, she faked outrage noting in a half-assed sidebar, it was indeed ‘regrettable’ that lives were taken, but they are now ‘blessed’ to living eternal lives in heaven! She brayed on, saying the real credit goes to this woman, one of “god’s people”, for ’standing up’ to her captor by talking to him. You know, as opposed to, say, not talking to him (was there really a choice in the matter if he engaged her in conversation??). I suppose the alternative would have been to say nothing and soil herself, but chances are, after some time, there would have been a stench. And I myself can’t stand stinky people, and i’m sure some freak with a pistol would be even less tolerant, have eventually gotten pissed, and let her have it on principle. The silly fundamentalcase whore-for-jesus kept on practically non-stop with ‘jesus this’ and “lord that’ that it began to actually sound like gloating. Well, that was it for me, and I realized that I was the one to finally feed her a case of shut the fuck up, because no one else seemed to have the spine to do it….

Religious Zealot: Isn’t it AMAZINg waht the Word of God can do in the hands of a REAL Christian? (posts link to a feel-good, religious-based hack job of a story)

Me: The title of this thread is misleading. If it was taken from a direct headline, then the editor needs to be taken out back and spayed/neutered with an icepick. I think she didn’t save anything but her own butt.

RZ: It shows what kind of spirit you have that you won’t give this brave woman any credit.

Me: Credit for what? Surviving? At least she made it! Excuse me if i’m still sympathizing here with the families of the victims, who just irrevocably lost a son/daughter/husband/wife today because of a selfish and pointless act by a piece of human refuse whose got a grudge against the legal system, all for simply doing their jobs. Yes, what a unfeeling prick I am…

RZ: Well, at least now TEHY are on a first class trip to meet the ONE, and be rewarded with ETERNAL LIFE, what about you? I’m assuming yor an athiest, so what would you do in the situation? worship yourself?

Me: What-in-the fuck are you talking about, you slobbering halfwit. Stay off the jesus juice, woman, and reread what I wrote.

RZ: i see no harm in giving her credit where someone believes there credit is due. she was made a hostage gave credit to God, so why do you have a problem with her doing that?

Me: Well, I don’t. What I have a big problem with, is that fundamental-cases such as yourself are spinning this into a victory for your religious ideology, seemingly glossing over the utter tragedy of the situation by issuing meaningless blanket statements to the effect of: “well, they’re going to heaven anyway, so it’s ok”. Did it ever cross the barren wasteland that is your noodle that perhaps the victims *gasp* WEREN’T all Christians? Maybe you need to step back and put your idol worship on the back burner, and look at this from a purely humanistic viewpoint to see the bigger picture.

RZ: Sorry, Christ is second to no one. With Christ, one has power. Without him, they are nothing, dung.

Me: Funny you should mention the word “dung”. Because it dovetails nicely into my definition of your attitude towards this whole ordeal. I would have chosen a slightly different word however, a more colorful word that shares the same meaning, but brought into fruition by the bovine species. I mean, aren’t you JUST ECSTATIC that this piece of steer matter will be able to share his ‘good news’ with the other dumb suckers in the pen? I suppose there’s NO LIMIT to the amount of fuck-ups one can be responsible for once one accepts jeezus, right? In turn, maybe he can convince his new cellmates to subscribe to this fairy tale, and strengthen the ring of circular logic your theology seems to embrace. Moreover, maybe some of these new converts will be inspired to be good little felons, and possibly get out early, so that they can get ANOTHER opportunity to further pollute the gene pool with their toxic seed, or perhaps wreak EVEN more death and destruction upon our society! PRAAISE JEEZUS!

Now do you understand how nutty you sound?

Well, I ruffled the zealot’s feathers too much to prompt a response. I guess thats a blessing in itself. Gah, sometimes I hate people…

Get on your party dress, ’cause we be celebratin’ another year into extinction!

New Year’s Eve, baby! Here we are. Holy shit, I can’t believe this year is already coming to it’s end. 2004 Sped by me like a fat man on his way to the all-you-can-eat buffet. And in this circumstance, I am shoved away and left bruised and broken in the aftermath, a confused creature, petrified forever by morbid obesity.

My 2004 Recap
This year might have slipped away, but it was one craaaazy effing year. We were still very much involved in the pointless Iraqi war, losing countless more soldiers every day to local ‘insurgents’, long after hostilities were reported to have ceased. Bin Laden, much like now, is still at large, still keeping in contact via Al Jazeera’s airings of his vhs tapes periodically. So, adding much insult to injury, we still get to see the 9/11 murderer alive and well on videotape every few months, ya know, just in case we were missing his presence….grr. Sadly, nothing has presently changed in this situation. That’s our tax dollars at work, boys and girls. Areas once reported as ’secured’ in Iraq are still swarming with rebel and insurgent factions not exactly pleased with what the good ‘ol US of A is doing there. Uh, what the phuq are we doing there again? Oh yeah, instilling democracy and goodwill, I keep forgetting, I beg your pardon…

Collectively, this country done lost it’s muthaphuqin mind this year, and I think it all began during the super bowl. Yes, we all remember the nation shitting itself over a “wordrobe malfunction”, don’t we? Well, I believe that was just the little jostle that broke our spirits sending us spiraling into madness and hell shortly thereafter. Given a strong shove into the spotlight by a religious right hellbent on pursuing the agenda of “family values” (gawd, I really dislike those two words together), they chided The Federal Communications Commission and it’s board of unelected officials into deciding enough is enough with all the hedonism and general depravity thats has been going on fer too long in this countrah, goddimit!! *cue American Flag* And they started cracking heads, or in this case, pocketbooks.

Before you knew it, Janet J.’s blurry tit was being played every 15 minutes 24-7 on any network having anything remotely to do with reporting. The FCC vowed for blood, and the media machine gave it’s full attention to this important new ground shaking issue. And why? WTF? Do you suppose it is so crucial to etch it into our minds as the Worst Possible Thing to Ever Happen in the History of the Nation (*clearing throat* well, with the exception of 9/11, of course) ? Hefty fines were levied on radio, tv, and even certain cable outlets all for offending certain sensibilities in newly made up ’standards of broadcast integrity’. Some TV shows got yanked. Radio DJs got huge fines and some even got the boot because of something they did earlier in their careers that may or may not have violated the code of ethics buried within these new retroactively-enforceable standards. No you didn’t read incorrectly, retroactive. So now, they can sue your balls off for saying ‘penile implant’ at a time when no one knew what it mean’t, or cared, or much less made an effort to bitch about it. Whats more, these ‘rules’ are about as unclear, unequal, and as non-existant as the pink elephants I see when I drink the magic purple juice. Ain’t being a gov’t official great kids? Mainstream network media hasn’t, and will never broadcast the same way again after this, mark my words, people.

Oh well. The hell with them. With exception to big games like the super bowl, I don’t believe I watched any “must-see-tv”, or tuned in for some hard-hitting news programs from the networks in 2004. The entertainment quotient network tv presently provides has been bottom-of-the-barrel for so long, i’ve grown apathetic to it’s imminent demise. Good riddance, I say. Let the bleeding begin – tell the bible thumpers to take them over in the name of jesus and show morally uplifting docudramas from dusk to dawn for all I care. However, I will offer my opinion that this particular JanetGate Incident was, and still is, re-goddamn-diculous. This year painted a great picture of our nation as being the truly litigious society some have always feared we’d become. We are collectively making the concept of accountability obsolete. Yessir, before we realized, the “PC police” had already infiltrated our humble society covertly, and taken up roots.

The 2004 Summer Olympics took place in Athens, with much todo, and aside from the previous reports of it being underfunded, behind schedule, and lacking in sufficient security, it was a hit. I especially enjoyed the women’s beach volleyball. They should have no other events. Just the volleyball. Oh, and maybe swimming. Love the outfits…;)

It was an election year, and as expected, there was a lot of campaigning going on, and as if predetermined for chaos, it became ugly quite fast and deliberately. The choices in candidates sucked the high hard one again, but I was optimistic that after these previous 4 years, we as a society still maintained a tiny semblance of common sense, and would vote this over privileged idiot out of office. I was dead wrong, and we (well, not me personally) elected to re-entrust an man who has provided example after example of why he should have no business in politics (unintelligent, arrogantly starting unfounded wars, running us into economic mayhem, etc.) to keep our nation’s affairs in order – again. *sigh* Forgive us, for we know not….not….we know nothing.

The Giants had a great season, but fell short, as predicted, once again this year. At least spring training is in a few months. The super bowl, in just a few weeks, could prove very interesting. The 49ers and Dolphins became 2004’s worst football teams – yay! Professional Hockey evaporated this year, with no encouraging insight for next year. Too bad – I was really starting to enjoy it after attending my first games in person last year. Instead, we got preempted with 24-7 basketball because they started their season early – meh. Professional basketball generally eats raw sausage now that basketball players have lowered themselves and their sport to common street criminal level, and vice versa. The image of “thugball” was further reinforced with the fan/player basket-brawl starring Ron Artest, the Fightin’ Pacers and your Detroit Pist-offs. Beautiful job, you jackoffs. Maybe this is why for the first time EVER, since introducing professional players into the Olympic Games, the U.S. came in THIRD in the sport of basketball. When image overrides the importance of the game, why bother with the charade?

Oh, and we got robots safely on the surface of the planet Mars. Tres’ cool. Talk at you again next year!


Bush Crusade Marches On: 18 US Soldiers Dead in Fallujah

Teetering on the genesis of four more years of this dickhead I didn’t elect’s administration, we have invaded insurgent-torn Fallujah. If we thought the events leading up to this conflict were bad, it’s going to get even uglier now, folks. I have been pretty much against this war from inception, however, I feel it’s my duty to put all of my support behind our troops, and hope that they can end this quickly and come home safely. Our soldiers don’t have the luxury of choice we civilians have. They are merely following orders. War is hell, and I fear we’re just seeing the beginning. Never have I ever wished to be proven incorrect more than right now.

I weep for our fallen heroes, and can only hope that the casualties our country has suffered thus far in this conflict is the worst of it.

The Nightmare Continues: 4 More Years of Bush

Now made official with a concession speech from Kerry, our fate with 4 more years of this administration is sealed. With just over 3 million votes between the two candidates, Bush has won the election with a decisive 51% to Kerry’s 49% margin. Congratulations Republicans – our Nation has spoken. Thats democracy, and really all I have to say about it. I’m not happy with our decision, but I have to live with it. These next four years should be interesting.

Election Day: UPDATE – 10:24 PM

I’m at a loss – what more can I say? The country is speaking loudly for Bush to remain in office for another four years, yet public opinion up to this date seemed to sway heavily towards Kerry. I don’t get it. Am I SO out of touch with our country’s core values that i’m incorrect in believing that Bush’s current term of office has done more harm than good? I guess i’m upset for a variance of reasons, quite obviously. On one hand, you’ve got the current fear-mongering administration, polarizing our citizens and world opinion by invading countries via inconsistent agendas, running up the debt to new levels each passing day, leaving over 1100 soldiers dead in the wake. On the other: John Kerry. A decorated Vietnam veteran with a consistent reputation as a ‘flip-flopper’ on important issues, seemingly bending to popularity rather than necessity, Kerry is also not my first choice for a new leader, but he’s the only realistic alternative to more of the same. Third-party candidates just don’t have any significant pull yet in America. The fact that I feel both of these party choices to be less than impressive is indicative that the system, as it currently is, needs overhauling.

Bush is still leading the polls, getting just over roughly 200 of 270 total electoral points (these number vary upon the media outlet being watched) over Kerry, who is just under 200. We still have a ways to go, but projections for naming a new president are growing dire. I’m still hoping for a strong shift, but I have to be realistic now. Chances are quite good that Bush will still be our president come January. *sigh* I guess we haven’t learned from our mistakes in the last four years, and now I believe our nation will be further divided by our decision. “Uniter”, my ass…. I’m off to bed.

Election Day: UPDATE – 6:42 PM

Well, as if to confirm my every fear, the early polls declaring Kerry ahead have been all but forgotten. The field is now evening out to a neck and neck battle for the southern states (as usual). With the polls here still open for just over an hour, it’s anyone’s race. Votes are still being tallied, and both candidates have slight leads in a variety of key states, with Bush predicted ahead for electoral votes by a margin. My anxiety grows with each passing minute…

Election Day: UPDATE – 2:01 PM

Well, it’s done. We casted our votes on this surprisingly warm Tuesday afternoon fairly easily, save the 45-minutes waiting in a shadeless line for our turns at the touch screen booths. Before we embarked, I recapped the issues we would be deciding on to Lynda using my sample ballot. I can only hope the personal satisfaction in her choices equal mine being her first election.

The only downside to our short trip, as previously mentioned, was the wait. The waiting in a line was not so particularly unpleasant as to deeming it necessary to make efforts to expand upon it, but the gossip I overheard while doing so was so excruciating, I feel I must. Being a captive audience to very vocal yet ill informed commentary from the latino family ahead of us, 2 family members, being minors not yet of age to participate, decided that we should hear their opinion on current events. Also Kerry supporters, these 2 were voicing their personal woes from oil prices to law enforcement, spinning issues in ridiculous directions, basing said spin upon personal opinions attacking Bush that are truly inconceivable to reality. I disapprove of our current president, but at least I try and practice a measure of objectivity rather than simply spew contempt for someone based upon emotional response. Hey, they’re just kids, and it wouldn’t have affected so much had the parents not been so attentive to their children’s spin, almost to the point of being readily available to having their choices influenced by it. In some ways, it’s depressing to see citizens with the power to vote not feel inclined to become more educated about issues that will affect our lives. I know this intellectual laziness is probably much more frequent throughout the country than I would assume, but seeing it in person on election day was difficult to endure.

On a more positive note, scanning the polling reports, things look pretty good. Kerry is ahead in all exit polls for most states, and the sentiment appears to be taking hold across the country. Being a western state, California still has roughly six more hours until the polls close, and a lot can happen in that amount of time during a major election. I’m going to remain in my optomistic frame of mind that we’ll see a new face in the Oval Office come January.

Election Day is Here!!

9:35 AM: As of 7:00 AM PST, this day is officially upon us, after 4 long years. I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been difficult enduring a leader like Bush, whom I believe was far below standards for presidential ‘material’ to begin with, but whats past is past. Being optimistic about an administration that repeatedly has made decisions I disagree with, simultaneously draining our Nation’s economy into record debts due mainly in part to pursuing an Iraqi invasion presented in deceptive ways I STILL don’t fully agree with, nor understand, has been a hard pill for me to swallow, but i’m trying my best, nevertheless.

My focus is on the now, today, and doing my civic duty in attempting to instill change in this country by means of voting. This will be the first US election that Lynda has aggressively sought to participate in, out of a sense of frustration and exasperation in an administration she believes, like myself, has failed our nation in many ways. I’m proud of her for displaying such eagerness to voice her opinions via ballot, and will do what I can to objectively inform her on the issues. We will gallop over to the voting booth around 1:00 PM to cast our decisions. I’m fairly optomistic that the Bush era will be finished, and we’ll see if the country agrees. I just hope that this doesn’t turn into another scandalous election fiasco similar to the events in 2000. Heres to hoping it doesn’t get that close.