Monthly Archives: December 2004

Get on your party dress, ’cause we be celebratin’ another year into extinction!

New Year’s Eve, baby! Here we are. Holy shit, I can’t believe this year is already coming to it’s end. 2004 Sped by me like a fat man on his way to the all-you-can-eat buffet. And in this circumstance, I am shoved away and left bruised and broken in the aftermath, a confused creature, petrified forever by morbid obesity.

My 2004 Recap
This year might have slipped away, but it was one craaaazy effing year. We were still very much involved in the pointless Iraqi war, losing countless more soldiers every day to local ‘insurgents’, long after hostilities were reported to have ceased. Bin Laden, much like now, is still at large, still keeping in contact via Al Jazeera’s airings of his vhs tapes periodically. So, adding much insult to injury, we still get to see the 9/11 murderer alive and well on videotape every few months, ya know, just in case we were missing his presence….grr. Sadly, nothing has presently changed in this situation. That’s our tax dollars at work, boys and girls. Areas once reported as ’secured’ in Iraq are still swarming with rebel and insurgent factions not exactly pleased with what the good ‘ol US of A is doing there. Uh, what the phuq are we doing there again? Oh yeah, instilling democracy and goodwill, I keep forgetting, I beg your pardon…

Collectively, this country done lost it’s muthaphuqin mind this year, and I think it all began during the super bowl. Yes, we all remember the nation shitting itself over a “wordrobe malfunction”, don’t we? Well, I believe that was just the little jostle that broke our spirits sending us spiraling into madness and hell shortly thereafter. Given a strong shove into the spotlight by a religious right hellbent on pursuing the agenda of “family values” (gawd, I really dislike those two words together), they chided The Federal Communications Commission and it’s board of unelected officials into deciding enough is enough with all the hedonism and general depravity thats has been going on fer too long in this countrah, goddimit!! *cue American Flag* And they started cracking heads, or in this case, pocketbooks.

Before you knew it, Janet J.’s blurry tit was being played every 15 minutes 24-7 on any network having anything remotely to do with reporting. The FCC vowed for blood, and the media machine gave it’s full attention to this important new ground shaking issue. And why? WTF? Do you suppose it is so crucial to etch it into our minds as the Worst Possible Thing to Ever Happen in the History of the Nation (*clearing throat* well, with the exception of 9/11, of course) ? Hefty fines were levied on radio, tv, and even certain cable outlets all for offending certain sensibilities in newly made up ’standards of broadcast integrity’. Some TV shows got yanked. Radio DJs got huge fines and some even got the boot because of something they did earlier in their careers that may or may not have violated the code of ethics buried within these new retroactively-enforceable standards. No you didn’t read incorrectly, retroactive. So now, they can sue your balls off for saying ‘penile implant’ at a time when no one knew what it mean’t, or cared, or much less made an effort to bitch about it. Whats more, these ‘rules’ are about as unclear, unequal, and as non-existant as the pink elephants I see when I drink the magic purple juice. Ain’t being a gov’t official great kids? Mainstream network media hasn’t, and will never broadcast the same way again after this, mark my words, people.

Oh well. The hell with them. With exception to big games like the super bowl, I don’t believe I watched any “must-see-tv”, or tuned in for some hard-hitting news programs from the networks in 2004. The entertainment quotient network tv presently provides has been bottom-of-the-barrel for so long, i’ve grown apathetic to it’s imminent demise. Good riddance, I say. Let the bleeding begin – tell the bible thumpers to take them over in the name of jesus and show morally uplifting docudramas from dusk to dawn for all I care. However, I will offer my opinion that this particular JanetGate Incident was, and still is, re-goddamn-diculous. This year painted a great picture of our nation as being the truly litigious society some have always feared we’d become. We are collectively making the concept of accountability obsolete. Yessir, before we realized, the “PC police” had already infiltrated our humble society covertly, and taken up roots.

The 2004 Summer Olympics took place in Athens, with much todo, and aside from the previous reports of it being underfunded, behind schedule, and lacking in sufficient security, it was a hit. I especially enjoyed the women’s beach volleyball. They should have no other events. Just the volleyball. Oh, and maybe swimming. Love the outfits…;)

It was an election year, and as expected, there was a lot of campaigning going on, and as if predetermined for chaos, it became ugly quite fast and deliberately. The choices in candidates sucked the high hard one again, but I was optimistic that after these previous 4 years, we as a society still maintained a tiny semblance of common sense, and would vote this over privileged idiot out of office. I was dead wrong, and we (well, not me personally) elected to re-entrust an man who has provided example after example of why he should have no business in politics (unintelligent, arrogantly starting unfounded wars, running us into economic mayhem, etc.) to keep our nation’s affairs in order – again. *sigh* Forgive us, for we know not….not….we know nothing.

The Giants had a great season, but fell short, as predicted, once again this year. At least spring training is in a few months. The super bowl, in just a few weeks, could prove very interesting. The 49ers and Dolphins became 2004’s worst football teams – yay! Professional Hockey evaporated this year, with no encouraging insight for next year. Too bad – I was really starting to enjoy it after attending my first games in person last year. Instead, we got preempted with 24-7 basketball because they started their season early – meh. Professional basketball generally eats raw sausage now that basketball players have lowered themselves and their sport to common street criminal level, and vice versa. The image of “thugball” was further reinforced with the fan/player basket-brawl starring Ron Artest, the Fightin’ Pacers and your Detroit Pist-offs. Beautiful job, you jackoffs. Maybe this is why for the first time EVER, since introducing professional players into the Olympic Games, the U.S. came in THIRD in the sport of basketball. When image overrides the importance of the game, why bother with the charade?

Oh, and we got robots safely on the surface of the planet Mars. Tres’ cool. Talk at you again next year!

It comes but once a year, or, two notches above the big 3-0

Yep. i’m 32 today. Officially an ‘old guy’ to the 20-somethings, I think i’m still in pretty good shape. Truth be told, you haven’t lived until you get this old whippersnappers, you just haven’t. (Jesus, i’m starting to sound like an adult. meh..)

I had to work today, as my current place of employment has shunned me by not declaring today a holiday, and sending everyone home (I keed, I keed…)! Oh well. I don’t have any plans for my big day, and as usual, don’t really celebrate (my own) birthdays. My friends, however, have planned a little get together in my honor after work, so i’ll keep ya updated….

X-Mas Eve: what a time to be sitting alone at a computer screen

Merry Christmas Eve, ya yuletide kooks! I hope all is still well with both of my readers. The cutoff time for my dsl line supposedly ends 2 days from now. I’ve made my order to receive new phone and dsl services online, so hopefully my disconnection to cyberspace will be a short hiatus. Life is very difficult for me right now, as i’ve had to sink every last dollar of dough i’ve made thus far (read: just got my first already spent paycheck yesterday) into bills. After all is said and done, and everything is paid for, I think i’ll still be in a deficit for a while. Fuck. There goes eating, I guess…(I keed). But, at least my lovely children (doggies) are well cared for, and they keep me going.

The holiday season is a trip! Year after year, we Americans nearly soil ourselves anticipating this collectively grandiose year-ending celebration of excess and gross materialism. Shit, some of us even attribute relevant meaning from religious icons we worship! Mostly fabricated by big business, X-mas remains a phenomena, in that it never fails to lull us, the American body public, into a mass euphoria derived from the media’s overuse of mass marketing this time of year. Said marketing tends to enforce sappy, family-orientated kitch covertly engineered to pull at heartstrings and induce friendly feelings towards family members that you never speak to throughout the other 95% of the year. Tie in the seemingly subliminal product placement, aggressive manipulation of facts projecting gross consumption as something everyone is doing, and you’ve got X-mas in a nutshell. As much as I am ambivalent to admit as such, I too have been duped time and time again like a drooling moron.

But, i’m not going to get all militant scrooge on you. Allow me to pull whats left of my holiday good cheer out of the storage room. It’s X-mas eve, you know. I am lonely since my breakup, but my family and friends have been in constant contact, and great in boosting my spirits. Kudos to everyone in my little circle-you know who you are, and you know I love ya. I’m going to chill out here tonight with members of my wonderful canine family, crack open a bottle of vino, pop some chemically altered microwave popcorn, and watch “A Christmas Story” for the 9 millionth time on my big screen (”you’ll shoot your eye out!”). It just doesn’t get any better than this, folks. Merry X-mas, everyone. Thanks for reading!

Sorry for the Hiatus, or, Welcome to My Nightmare

Forgive the delay in updating, but much shit has happened as of late, which has subsequently prevented me from doing anything website related. First off, me and Lynda have split up.

Now, i’m not going to be petty, get into semantics, or point out who is at fault. I think our feelings are pretty mutual, and that the time to simply depart this relationship had come, and that we needed to put this chapter of our lives behind us. I believe we still love each other very much, but the torch that signified our romance has burned out. She has subsequently taken up residence elsewhere (read: moved out), and I wish her nothing best of luck. I won’t bother sugar coating it – these past few weeks have been a rather shitty and depressing state of affairs. My little family that once was, is now broken. I’ve nothing left but tiny shreds in which to piece something together. It sucks ass, but I’ve just got to get it together and move on. I, for one, cannot wait to see what this sudden change of life has in store for me.

So now, i’m officially single again, just before the holiday season. Nice, eh? Nothing like a little depression and fear for my future, coupled with anxiety afflicted by a new found loneliness to fuel holiday cheer. Happy fuckin’ Holidaze, baby! At least I get to spend quality time with my babies (dogs) and dote on them over X-mas and New Years. One of my beloved pups will end up living with the now “ex” girlfriend after the new year, so I have a few weeks until I become a complete friggin’ basket case over it. I beg for strength.

Okay, i’m done with the self-deprecating downer bullshit. If you’ve bothered to read this far, congratulations. You are even more of a pathetic bastard than I, which subsequently, just made me feel a lot better about myself, thanks! Anywho, I just wanted to give my faithful readers (both of you) an update as to my absence around here lately. Now you know, freaks, so shaddap about it, or I will be forced to kill you where you stand, heathen.

Believe it or not, aside from my life taking a crash-and-burn detour, some good shit has happened to me as well. First, I found a steady gig making decent money, so having to seriously consider the exciting occupation of ‘hobo’ is no longer necessary. Its a very laid-back job with a small lighting management firm. The operation is similar in size to New Century, but the drama is almost non-existent, and the folks I work with are much more fun to be around. I’ve taken over the house (another good thing), and once the piles from our separation have eroded, this place might truly be a nice livable sanctuary once again.

On to other things: things are sorta ‘too quiet’ on the homeland front, as the only activity currently seen from this gov’t. administration is resignation. Yes, nine cabinet members have been replaced as of so far. Among others, victims of the fallout consisted of Colin ‘we insist the source was accurate’ Powell and Johnny ‘homeland security or death’ Ashcroft. Maybe we’ll see another six months or so of nothing to write home about from this staff, until the next earth-shattering media significant event happens (another 9/11? – adorn tinfoil hat now.) which will help instill our beliefs that God only blesses the red, white, and blue, and that we will fucking kick ass no matter what, so don’t even try screwing with us. Oh, and buy American-made, and all that…

Oh, and a shout out to my brother Matt, who’s band, Sator Square has just finished an album. Here’s to hoping they get a signed contract quickly so that I can be their roadie and quit updating this stupid website, and bang hot chicks. Yep, I said it, i’m a single guy now, I said bang hot chicks. It’s like the 1st rule of the rockstar handbook. A side job to the musician, if you will. They must bang hot chicks, or dudes, depending on your style, but they must be hot…and easy. You’re all thinking the same bullshit, don’ lie! On that crude barrage of profanities, i’m outta tha hizzy like the chronic makes Snoop dizzy.

Peace out, yo.